The beginning of the year is when everyone tends to focus on getting healthy and/or losing weight (at least up until Valentine’s Day!) These goals and resolutions tend to be the ones that repeatedly make our lists year after year. What on earth makes this particular goal so challenging? If you’ve struggled with food issues (like we have), you can hear that one critical person’s voice in your head (you know who they are!): “What’s the problem?! Just eat less and exercise more!” Always, after those so helpful comments (NOT), you are left drowning in shame, internally kicking yourself and asking the same question. What DOES make this so hard?
It’s hard because it’s complicated.
(Such a profound statement, we know!) It’s challenging enough for very practical time, energy, body chemistry and age reasons; but the fact that emotions play a huge role complicates it a hundredfold.
Food is for nourishment. Emotional eating happens when we “use” food for other things.
Food can be used:
As a reward: “I just worked my butt off; I deserve a bowl of ice cream.”
A solution for boredom: “I have to do something, I can’t sit still. I know – I’ll get cookies.”
As a punishment: “I screwed up my healthy eating by having that croissant for breakfast; I might as well just have the cake for lunch!” (aka “I’m already a failure so why bother!)
As protection: “If people reject me, it’s because I’m heavy. If I lose the weight and am rejected – they are rejecting ME. Pass the fries!”or “If I stay heavy, people aren’t interested in me, so I won’t get hurt again. I said…pass the fries!”
As comfort: “Food doesn’t reject or dismiss me.” “I had a bad day, I need some mac and cheese.”
To calm down: “I am so angry right now! Some potato chips will help me to calm down.”
To numb: “I can’t think about this anymore, what’s for dinner? Pizza? Perfect!”
To avoid: “I’ll finish that (big overwhelming) project after I have some pie.”
Anytime we use food for reasons such as these, we are “eating our emotions.”
And it works! (Wait, WHAT?!)
When we eat (especially junk foods which are usually associated with emotional eating), cause dopamine to be released in our brain. Dopamine is a neurotransmitter associated with pleasure. So the food DOES actually make us feel better. So the behavior of eating is “rewarded” in our brain.
So, it works.
Temporarily.
Food works great in the short term. Unfortunately, it doesn’t serve us well as a long term solution. What happens if we eat chips or ice cream every time we feel discouraged, frustrated, angry or sad? Or reach for the cake or pie every time we feel we need to be rewarded, entertained, punished, protected, comforted, numbed or procrastinate?!
What happens? Not only are we actually not dealing with whatever made us feel discouraged, frustrated, angry or sad; but self-care decreases and weight increases. Health decreases and shame increases.
Shame feels bad….so we eat. Our brain temporarily rewards us. The more consistently we do this, the more food it takes to get the dopamine reward. And a vicious cycle is born.
This cycle can be hard to break (because it works, right!) – but not impossible (whew!)
What can we do?
The first step is always to figure out where you are. (What do you mean? I’m in my living room on the chair…what does that matter?) What we mean is that we have to gain awareness as to how we are using food. One of the best tools to begin doing this is a food journal ( yuck…we know….but it works!) But not just a what you eat journal. This is a journal of when you’re eating, what you’re eating, where you’re eating, how you are feeling when you are eating. Since most of us do this subconsciously, this step is needed to bring it to a conscious level. Understanding our food patterns and how they relate to our heart is a critical first step in developing a healthier relationship with food.
Please hear this….this is not THE ANSWER! This is a great first step. It’s an important first step so we shouldn’t try to skip it; but be patient with yourself, you can get there.
Take care of you…
