I (Michelle) like this time of year – no, not the winter; but the beginning of a brand new year. Forgive me a little geeking out here; but I always liked the beginning of a new school year. I liked the fresh clean new notebooks. Unfortunately, no matter how hard I tried, my notebooks never stayed as neat as I would have liked. I would try to start with my neatest, most precise handwriting but eventually, I would need to take notes faster than my “neat handwriting” would allow…or a class would be just too boring to get through without doodling.
(Sidenote: Yes, I realize this is not a problem for today’s computer/tablet note-takers but I’m sorry – a blank screen just does not give you that same “fresh start feeling”… it just doesn’t! But I digress…)
The problem with my “keep the notebook neat for the year” goal – other than the fact that it was a nerdy goal – was that it was really not attainable. The same thing can happen with our New Year’s resolutions. To be effective goals need to be achievable. If I (Pam) set a goal to be a renowned painter by the end of 2019, and the only painting I’ve ever done is on the walls in my house, I am definitely going to fail. However, if I’ve never painted but make a goal to take an art class at the local community college….that is more do-able.
This doesn’t mean that our goals shouldn’t stretch us a bit. Change doesn’t really happen by staying completely in our comfort zone. However, neither does it happen in the overwhelming or delusional zone! A goal should stretch us without overwhelming us.
Let’s use everyone’s favorite weight loss resolution as an example. It’s January 1st, we’re sitting in our pajamas, eating left over Christmas cookies for breakfast and we think, “That’s it! I’ve had it. I’m going to lose 50 pounds this year. I’m never eating another dessert and I’m going to run 5 miles every day.” In all likelihood, these goals fall squarely into the overwhelmed zone (possibly even delusional!). The following things tend to happen:
*We start out with the best of intentions and lots of energy around our goals
*We restrict “perfectly” for a period of time until we have a social engagement and the cheesecake looks too good to pass up.
*If we actually can run 5 miles (not us!), then maybe we run it for a few weeks until the snow-storm hits.
*One week the scale doesn’t move.
*We get frustrated with the pace or our own inability to be perfectly regimented in our attempts.
*So we consciously give up…or we slide into it.
*And then we think, “See, New Year’s resolutions are stupid! They never work!”
What if, instead, we made smaller goals that still stretched us but didn’t frustrate and/or overwhelm us.
This might sound like, “I’m going to lose 15 pounds in 3 months. As part of my plan to do so, I’m going to do some form of exercise 3x/week, add another vegetable into daily food intake and reduce the number of desserts I have to 2x/week.”
Or what if you always wanted to take dance lessons but are afraid to sign up. Maybe your goal is just to turn on music in your house and bee-bop around for a few minutes a few times a week. Instead of being overwhelmed, you think, “That’s easy, I can do that!”
Everyone will have different comfort zones and overwhelmed and delusional zones. The key is to identify your own zones and set an intentional small goal that is just inside your “stretch zone. “Small goals move you forward rather than keep you paralyzed and stuck. Small goals give us a sense of accomplishment that provides energy and momentum to get us where we want to go.
So be kind to yourself and be reasonable with your resolutions!
Take care of you…
