Dinner is at Pleaser Priscilla’s house this year… as it is every year. Family is important to Pleaser Priscilla. She knows that if she didn’t host the dinner, there would be no family dinner at all. She’s tried in the past to suggest a different plan. Each time, her older sister, Passive Aggressive Polly, has offered to host, but then ‘something happens’ and Polly has to back out and Priscilla steps up… again. Pleaser Priscilla had suggested they all bring something but as usual, her younger sister, Entitled Emily, said that she really wished she had time, but she had so much work to do. (As if Priscilla didn’t work too….but Pleaser Priscilla didn’t say anything – she just smiled).
So here we are again. The turkey isn’t even on the table yet and Monopolizer Marvin has begun his annual monologue. So far, the topic du jour is a detailed description of the last vacation he and Emily had taken. He has barely stopped talking long enough to take a breath. When he does pause, Entitled Emily is quick to point out that they work sooo hard they deserve and must take long vacations. Although she’s not in the room, Priscilla can see Polly’s eyes roll. Not to be outdone or overlooked, Attention-seeking Ann (wearing her sequinned mini-dress – who wears that to a family dinner anyway?) chimes in that she remembers her last fabulous vacation. Her husband, Manipulative Mark, is quick to point out that he’s glad they got that vacation in last year because they aren’t going to be able to afford it this year. The school district that their daughter, Spoiled Sally, is in is getting too rough, so they are going to have to put her in private school and won’t be able to take a vacation for a long time. (They know I still have most of Aunt Martha’s inheritance…can you say ‘hint’? Priscilla thinks)..and they’re off! In that sense Pleaser Priscilla is actually happy to have the silent kitchen to retreat to.
From her refuge in the kitchen, Priscilla peaks into the living room and sees her brother-in-law, Peacekeeping Paul, looking like a deer in the headlights, caught in the middle of Attention-seeking Ann and Monopolizer Marvin, trying desperately to change the subject. Priscilla takes advantage of the temporary break in the” who’s-vacation-was-better-and-more-deserved contest”, to start serving dinner.
The turkey is carved and the dinner is served. Peacekeeping Paul is relishing the silence as everyone starts to eat because he knows it won’t last that long…
“The turkey is really delicious…moist this year..not at all like last year, dear. Everything is so good. Though I do wish you’d made the sweet potatoes with the marshmallows ,” says Mom (aka Critical Christine).
“Feel free to make it yourself next year!” Pleaser Priscilla snaps; and then instantly regrets it. She knows her mom didn’t mean anything by it. She knows that snapping doesn’t help anything…but…
Peacekeeping Paul speaks up, “Now Christine, you know that Priscilla is just trying to keep us healthier.”
“I know….but I’m just saying how I feel. Is that allowed?? Can’t we be unhealthy for just one day? Or is that too much to ask?” Critical Christine replies.
And then before you can blink, Monopolizer Marvin launches into a diatribe about the amount of sugar in a marshmallow and how we’re all going to die because of sugar.
Passive Aggressive Polly rolls her eyes again as the table is once again silenced by Monopolizer Marvin.
Now, maybe you’re family doesn’t exactly look like this. And maybe you don’t have fun names for your family members, like we’ve provided here. But one of the things that can make holiday gatherings so stressful is that we have a tendency to fall into old roles and old patterns with our family….even when we think we’ve grown out of or gotten over them. If your family gatherings are stressful, try to identify the roles you and everyone is playing. Recognizing the patterns and dynamics is the first step in trying to extricate yourself from them! (And stay tuned next week as we take on the process of finding some solutions!)
Take care of you…
